I am marring a turkish man. He is from Adana and is a traditional turkish man in alot of ways. He follows the engagement and marriage traditions. But is not a demanding man. Meaning he is not controling over me. I am an American woman. He is very westernized. And I am just wondering some of the differences there might be in our marriages compared to an american marriage? What is it like being married to a turkish man? And if we moved to the US what are some of the difficulties he may have with jobs, friends, and just a difference in overall cultures and life in genral?
I have just been asked to marry by a Turkish man. I, too wonder what life will be like with him. Will I have the freedom to "override" his viewpoint, if I find it completely unreasonable? We're moving rather quickly, since he needs to leave the country in June of 2005, but, I know this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Without the pressure of having to do something fast, I would probably wish to wait six months or so before marrying him. But, that's not going to happen. Things happen for a reason, and I'm not going to risk losing him over this. I've rationalized in my mind that some people know each other years and end up in divorce. I'm also hopeful that Turkish men don't throw in the towel quite so easily as American men (I could be dead wrong about this). Anyway, I'm 41 and he's 47 and we'll be living in the states for the foreseeable future. One day, we may retire to Turkey. Are Turkish men typically dominant and controlling? Will it be hard to adjust to all of our differences, in light of the fact we've not had much of a courtship? The date isn't set yet, but as I say, it will have to be soon. We are going to an Immigration lawyer on Wednesday to see what needs to be done. Any advice about being a good spouse, etc., cultural difference, etc. would be greatly appreciated! I look forward to a response. Thank you! ~darthi
I assume you are currently live in Turkey based upon your comment about moving to the US...I am an American married to a Turkish man, however we live in the U.S.
In general, you should expect to spend alot of time involved with the family. While in an American family the intensity of the family relationship varies from family to family - a highly involved family is generally a given in a Turkish family. (They may even come to stay with you for an extended period of time following the marraige).
You should discuss expectations regarding child rearing - as should any couple in any culture! As you know, in the U.S. is it becoming more common that the father is active in the care and raising of the children. While this may be your expectation, this may or may not be the expectation of your fiance. Again, this is not specific to Turkish men, it will likely vary based on the guy, but open up the discussion.
Little differences: My husband, as well as his Turkish friends, resist sunscreen. It just is not in their sun habit. Also, don't give him gloves for Christmas - he likely won't use them. While we see it normal to cover your gaunt fingers in cold weather (why I am giving you advice about cold weather when you live in Adana is beyond me), it is likely he just won't do it. Eight years trying here.
Even if you don't care about soccer (football) - you can't stop it. It is what it is. Let the ball cross the white line for 2 hours and end up with a 0-0 tie. Be excited. Care about Galatasaray vs Fenerbache vs Besiktas. (And I also discovered that cheering for a player because he's cute is not really appreciated).
Try to get him to get his mothers recipes - and have him cook for you. He'll appreciate your efforts in trying to cook, but I swear he'll still do it better. It's a wonderful thing.
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If anyone needs advice on marrying a Turkish man...ask!
